Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
