I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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