When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
