do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
