It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Text me some of your sweat
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
