I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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