Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
