I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
