hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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