thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
