there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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