And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
