Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
