Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
