I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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