I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
