This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
