we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
