I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
