I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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