My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
