is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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