I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I supernannyed him into submission
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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