a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
