i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize