I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
