Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
