Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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