If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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