my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He did a backflip because drugs
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