Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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