I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
