would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
