i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
