Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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