Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
...so i touched it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
