screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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