I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
