'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
