Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize