I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
