Cold hands, warm shart.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
