two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
