I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
