I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
