That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
