Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
