she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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