She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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