I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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