I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
