I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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