This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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