tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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