I wish life had little blips of pornography
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
