FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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