She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
