There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
NoShamevember. You game?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
