I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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