Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
