I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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