I wish they made helmets for livers.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
