i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
