I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there's paper in my vomit.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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