Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
