So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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