hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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