It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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