youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
