Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
