i already hear my dad disowning me
if only i could text you this smell
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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