the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There are leaves in my underwear?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
