so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
did i just pee glitter
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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